Once, back in school, my Hungarian grammar teacher asked our class to write an essay about what conscience means to us. Does it even exist? We were about 15 years old, and not only was it difficult to write on this topic, but we also lacked enough life experience to create a fully developed essay. Back then, we hadn’t yet been in situations where our conscience could truly intervene.

Since then, however, I have lived through so much that I can now answer these questions without any difficulty.
I am the kind of person who cannot coldly watch others suffer—especially if I am the cause of it. I am willing to help people even when I know they might stab me in the back because my conscience won’t allow me to leave them behind. Of course, I don’t intend to share overly personal examples, but I will mention a few that I believe are general enough that they could happen to anyone.

Let’s say someone’s computer breaks down so badly that fixing it becomes urgent. Even if I’m not an expert on the subject, I will go and try to help because two people are at least twice as effective. I can’t just stand by and watch someone struggle, feeling helpless because they can’t fix it… I feel it is my duty to help. If afterward, that person laughs about me with their friends, mocking how clueless and incompetent I was, I still won’t regret helping—even though it’s clear I was betrayed. I did what I could, and from that point on, it is the other person’s responsibility how they treat the help I gave or me as a person in general.

I have friends who think a bit more slowly than I do. This is not to praise myself or put them down, but they are aware of it too, which is why they turn to me for help when needed. Even if my patience is wearing thin, my conscience won’t let me leave them behind because I know it is my duty to help as much as I can.

For several years, I was involved with Russian communities. Many of you probably know that they are unable to access many foreign services because they can’t pay for them. It was painful to watch how I could have everything while they had to find loopholes. So, when I was in Russia, I helped them purchase foreign products. My conscience simply wouldn’t let me stand by and not offer my assistance, even though it wasn’t exactly beneficial for me. They would typically pay me the price of the service in rubles, but in the end, I often ended up spending much more in my own currency. It was a huge loss for me, but I was still happy to help.

And now, even though I’m no longer in contact with them, my conscience still bothers me for not helping anymore—even though I know in my mind that there is a valid reason for it. I have trouble falling asleep, I don’t smile as much, and people keep asking me what’s wrong. But how do I explain that my conscience is tormenting me for no longer being available to help them, even though rationally, I know I have good reason to step back?

99% of people say my appearance suggests I am depressed and that I should see a psychologist. I tried—last summer. But do you know that feeling when, during the actual session, it’s as if nothing is really wrong? Do you know what it’s like when you’ve gotten so used to never talking about these things with anyone that it’s just as hard to open up to a psychologist? And then, my conscience torments me again—because even though I am taking action to be healthy, it’s not working since I can’t open up to a stranger. I have a hard time trusting people after all the times I’ve placed my trust in someone, only to have it backfire.

For example, I once trusted people enough to open certain doors for them that I normally would have kept closed. Later, I found out from multiple unrelated sources that those very people were trying to make my life miserable. And again, my conscience started tormenting me—not because I did something irrational, but because I chose the difficult path, the one that seemed right, instead of the easier option of simply enduring it all.

In summary, I do believe conscience exists—some people experience it more strongly, while others feel it less. Unfortunately, for me, it is very strong.

What do you think? What are your experiences?

I hope you have successfully logged into the OVH control panel and checked my servers.
Yes yes, I say this here publicly, because when I woke up today and saw that servers are down, I wrote you in Telegram and you lied me, saying that the OVH control panel doesn't open for you at all.
After that you just started to ignore my messages, reading them but not answering at all.
How brave, how honest...

So, yes, you shouldn't help to those who hurt you, it's true.
But you've promised to return money, you have confirmed it several times, and other people saw and heard it.
And now you just act like nothing happened.
120 euro, Nikolett, 120 euro out of those 350 which I have spent to pay for your insurance in Russia and which you've promised to return by paying for my servers.
It was so cool and so in accordance with your conscience to not even be brave enough to tell this decision in advance, to give me time to take my backups from these servers, to prepare another server for all the services I've hosted there.
No. You just ignored me the whole day, knowing that without these servers I lose my VPN, I have no access to Facebook, Youtube, Twiter, ChatGPT and Spotify, because they are blocked in Russia or are blocking Russian IP addresses.
It looks like you say sorry publicly, promise me that you will do everything you promised, and now, you just found the best moment to disturb me and make my life less comfortable.
You are unreliable, you are not the one to whom people should trust, you are lier.
So please, don't write about conscience, because you don't even have one.

You already wrote about all my and our secrets publicly in your Telegram blog comments, you already tried to break my relations with my friends, you already tried to betray me even in terms of money and promises.
So, again, please, don't even talk about conscience.

Dear administrators, if you want to remove this post thinking that I'm unhealthy or I try to lie, then I tell you that I have all screenshots, all proofs and can demonstrate that I'm not lying now. What I wrote here is true and I have evidence.

p.s. If you no longer want to pay for my servers, then 1. be brave to tell this directly and don't hide. and 2. Please, return these money with other method, for example via our mutual friend who can transfer these 120 euro from European systems to Russian ones.

That money was paid a long time ago by my family who helped me to escape from that mess :)

These weren't paid to me.
Okay, I've got it, Nikolett.
I'm sorry to say this, but wait for the consequences.
I hoped we really could stay friends. But... You lied again.
Good luck. And wait. You know, következmények lesznek... Szia.

-- (ArcticMoon):
That money was paid a long time ago by my family who helped me to escape from that mess :)

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lol WTF is up with you guys now, could you take this to some other place than Elten ya just recently hated so much but now are back on and do like that all never happened for no good reason.
Aka, kindly asking to shut up? No need for even more private drama noone could even understand or participate in.

Also gosh please stop with your redicolous smiling smilies that's really, I can't find words for it.

Was wondering about the same, I wrote him in private.

-- (Jonathan):
lol WTF is up with you guys now, could you take this to some other place than Elten ya just recently hated so much but now are back on and do like that all never happened for no good reason.
Aka, kindly asking to shut up? No need for even more private drama noone could even understand or participate in.

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I don't know, I'm not doing it on purpose, believe me :D I guess it's yet from those old times when you couldn't write smilies in other ways and had to use punctuation symbols to get the same thing. So it's not there to annoy you or someone, really.

-- (Jonathan):
Also gosh please stop with your redicolous smiling smilies that's really, I can't find words for it.

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Bruh come on, you both take this in private or get it sorted out or not, I literally don't care but this is redicolous kindergarten. And what does everyone learn from it? You never, *never* trust anyone wwith any control over your sservices or payments ever. Sounds hard or heartless but I hope I won't be so stupid and ever do it. Also @cyrmax, if you need any technical help, no idea if I'm really helpful but you can message me. Why don't you use a VPN provider like Mullvad for now? They're pretty cheap and you don't need to selfhost on your fixed server.

I can't and even won't convince anyone about anything. I'm not someone who would make up shit ant want people to believe what I'm saying. It makes no sense to choose sides because 99 % of the people don't even know what's going on, and I have no intentions to talk about it.
On the other hand, in terms of money I agree with you entirely. I've never trusted anyone with money except him, because I trusted him as a person.

-- (Jonathan):
Bruh comeon, I rather believe him than you at this point so you both take this in private or get it sorted out or not, I literally don't care but this is redicolous Kindergarten. And what does everyyne learn from it? You never, *never* trust anyone wwith any control over your sservices or payments ever. Sounds hard or heartless but I hope I won't be so stupid and ever do it. Also @cyrmax, if you need any technical help, no idea if I'm really helpful but you can message me. Why don't you use a VPN provider like Mullvad for now? They're pretty cheap and you don't need to selfhost on your fixed server?

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I have not trusted anyone but is not anyone anymore. If I say anyone I mean anyone. It will *not* work out well.
And dk, you both kinder triggered to make this public imo, considering what ya have said previously here basically nothing changed, but hey let's make up some excuses and do like everything is fine and as always. Lol if even the users from who I thought that they are nice and have some brain left now have a damage it's time to rethink my decision using this program again.
RIP or something?
Anyway can we, archive this or something? Bot mods?

The problem is that I can't pay for anything non-russian.
I mean emagine that you enter your valid card data and any website says "card is invalid. enter another card number".
No steam, no battle net, no youtube premium, spotify, no vpn services which are outside of Russia.

-- (Jonathan):
Bruh come on, you both take this in private or get it sorted out or not, I literally don't care but this is redicolous kindergarten. And what does everyyne learn from it? You never, *never* trust anyone wwith any control over your sservices or payments ever. Sounds hard or heartless but I hope I won't be so stupid and ever do it. Also @cyrmax, if you need any technical help, no idea if I'm really helpful but you can message me. Why don't you use a VPN provider like Mullvad for now? They're pretty cheap and you don't need to selfhost on your fixed server.

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You can pay them with crypto, paypal, well that will probably be difficult either but literally almost anything, even physical cash.

Yeah that's really fucked up and I feel sorry to all russians who are unable to pay just because they are russians. We are very lucky in Europe because we have no such limitations. And there are russians who aren't helped by people from other countries, so for them it's even worse.

Paypal also doesn't work for them. They are almost like Iraq

-- (Jonathan):
You can pay them with crypto, paypal, well that will probably be difficult either but literally almost anything, even physical cash.

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But Who cares? Who asked? Really? Publishing private dramas on forums or any other places which can be find publicly is totally ridiculous and childish. Sorry. Just omitting that's really random thread to do thing like this.

Yeah. Like I wanted a healthy discussion, I was interested what other people think about it and what is their situation. And well... There you go.
I was not interested in what people think I have or I don't have. That's a personal opinion and until we live in such countries, free speech is allowed, and it's great. But saying sorry in a topic, and then showing this in a different one is a bit controversial. I'm not saying it's not okay or it's bad, it's just two different sides of the same person.

-- (daszekmdn):
But Who cares? Who asked? Really? Publishing private dramas on forums or any other places which can be find publicly is totally ridiculous and childish. Sorry. Just omitting that's really random thread to do thing like this.

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WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS? SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHY WE ARE ARGUING OVER SOMETHING THAT HAS NO CORELATION TO THE ORIGINAL TOPIC? OH MY GOD.

Karma is real.

man skill issue. get good