On Life, Death and the Thereafter: REPOST

The following is a copypasta of a postI made on Audiogames.net

So, in secondary school, the first 3 years we were all mandated to take art classes. My school had only 1 art teacher. Art classes were notorious for people doing whatever they wanted because she'd always, always, alwayyyyyyys sleep in the class and without fail, nobody would get a score lower than 55. I think the highest anyone ever got in her class was 65 or so.
So anyways, she took her own life yesterday.

When talking to some of my former classmates about it, the conclusion we came to was that it's sad, but it was a long time coming. She had been very clearly struggling with mental issues for a while. As early as the early 2010s, (to my knowledge) likely earlier, she had been demonstrating the behaviour I mentioned above and talked about people being after her and whatnot.
And, you may think that the opening paragraph was overly acirbic and inflamatory, and you'd be quite right. The aime was to make you think exactly that because, her departure had me thinking about life itself.
I mean picture this. My old school was opened in 2001 or so, and she was one of it's earliest staffers there. I don't know when she started there, but let's just say she started in 2005. Every year my school took in about 110 students, meaning that she met and taught something like 2200 students plus or minus a few.
Now considering that these kids have families, friends, etc, it's likely that nearly 10 thousand people will remember her in the way I described above. Just for context, San Fernando has nearly 50 thousand people, while Penal-Debe where the school is has 89 thousand inhabitants.
Can you imagine it? Can you imagine going out and not being remembered as a mother, as a teacher, an artist, or a surprisingly insightful person, rather as a troubled and disturbed individual?
A few weeks ago I had a near death experience myself. I was hit by a car on the zebra cross of all places, but that's a story for another day. Being in such close proximity to death/invalidity put into perspective how fragile and uncertain life really is, and now the death of my former Art teacher, more so. I wonder what she'd have liked to be remembered for? Would she like to be remembered as a mother? Would she like to be remembered for teaching a then confused and uncertain 12 year old little blind boy how to make a pinch pot with clay and the proper way to work with clay? Would she like to be remembered as someone who, despite how it ultimately ended, fought on against the odds for so long? Or maybe would she like to be remembered for something that the majority of us who knew her could never even imagine because of our teenage anxt, never took the chance to see beyond her sleeping and cracked behaviour?
And then, maybe it comes with age, maybe it comes to show that people really are fake, but so many people are saying how tragic and unfortunate her life was, while laughing at her while she was apart of our own.
Maybe these are questions that other people had time to think about throughout their existence, but the thing is, despite seeing a lot of death, a lot of people I know either being killed off or dying for various reasons, I've never lost anyone significant to me. I've never lost a loved one, not a pet that I really cared for, nu'ing. So, in that regard I feel like death is a massive blindspot for me because, I've just never really had my head turned in that direction. I've had close experiences, with myself and others to be sure, but never a full on loss.
Actually, that isn't true, there's one person who died and it impacted me. There was this guy in our village named Jeremy. The story goes that he was born with an excess amount of water in his skull, which made him special as we say on the island. Apparently he was supposed to die in childhood in the 80s, but he lived well into my preteen years, I think he died in 2017 or 2018.
Anyways, Jeremy was by far and a way the most genuine person I've ever met. He used to take his free time to go to the bus terminus in San Fernando and help people board the bus, particularly the elderly and disabled. He used to run little errands for people here in the village, and he'd always patronise our family store. I remember he'd come for a glass bottle soda, (Smalta a malt based drink), and would tell my mother, Babes, gimme a beer, na, thanks?
I remember being very sad the day I heard that he died peacefully in his sleep. Now mind you, Jeremy came from a very simple, humble working class San Fernando family like my own. He lived with his grandmother and grandfather, potentially his mother too but I can't remember. They had a comfortable life, but not overly so. Jeremy was a slow learner, not the brightest bulb though not a retard either. However, Jeremy had the biggest funeral I've ever seen. The little church in our village was so packed that people had to be on the street. There were literally miles upon miles of automobiles of people coming to the funeral, not to mention busloads of people. FFS there were even people from Tobago who came to his funeral.
This simple man, who wasn't rich, a scholar, a great carpenter, a mechanic, a politician, nothing like that, had such a massive funeral which rivaled anything I've ever seen. How did we get there? Because Jeremy was kind, loving and genuine.
All of that being said, much like my art teacher, Jeremy had his own set of challenges. Growing up people used to pick on him because he had a big head and was slow. In my own time the kids would also tease him. But despite all of that, he still chose to be a gem of a human being. Sometimes I scratch my head and wonder, was it because of his condition? As in, if he were born with all of his facalties would he have been the same?
I should like to hope so, because thinking otherwise would, I think, crush me, and it's too early for this bullshit and I've already written a nearly thousand word essay about existential dread at 5AM.

So, circling back to what made me write this in the first place; if I had been killed by that Volvo on the zebra cross and had went flying like my cane did, and had been reduced to a honk of meat and blood, what would they say about me? What would I be remembered for? And, would some rando person think about me on the bus years after I died and shed a tear about me?

I went to the Baton Rouge school for the blind for the first couple years of my education. It was there I first met a guy named Jerry Duhon. He was a very talented person, playing guitar better even at that age than I'd ever heard. Later he learned piano and was really talented in jazz music. He went to university somewhere I think to build on that jazz education, improvisation and all that.
He also knew how to do audio editing and such, but this was back when it was all done on reel-to-reel machines. I met up with him again when I attended a rehab school in Alabama for piano tuning and rebuilding. It was there that I noticed his tendency toward depression and a lot of self criticism. I had many talks with him and thought I'd been of some help. Some time after I left that place I heard he'd hanged himself. God was I sad! In life he was so vibrant, and that talent I mentioned, just, wow! What a waste I thought!

Why did he not reach out to me again? I thought we'd become great friends.

He was Catholic so I guess he believed, but didn't care, that his religion said he'd go directly to hell and not collect two hundred dollars. Sorry, I couldn't resist the Monopoly reference.

I wonder if the art teacher ever got any counseling or any form of therapy? Obviously, if she did it didn't work.

My heart really goes out to people such as these!

Just a little side note off topic. One doesn't become a honk of meat, one becomes a hunk of meat, just sayin'. That one did make me chuckle a bit, which I suppose could've been on purpose as commic relief, but I thought I'd point it out just in case ya missed it.

Wow. This one is deep. I really enjoyed reading all this reflection. If your comfortable, tell us about what happened when you had your NDE.
It's tragic what people do to themselfs, but I can't judge. I can't understand the thought processes but if one would ask if I have depression, as for how my life is now, I wouldn't lie if I say yes.
Jeremy's story really touched me, though. It's so true what you said. And I'm glad so many people came to that funeral, he really deserved this after all you said.
Just like you, I also don't really know what death should mean to me. Like, heaven hell, all of that stuff but, I also don't know how to react if someone tells me about someone elses death. Like, I wanna feel sorry and be empathic, but sometimes I can't because I just, don't have any assosiation with that type of loss feeling myself. I'm quite often through either love sickness, even despratly missing some certain people, still not getting over some lost friendships which were too impactful, well I know if it happens to let's say a friend or so, which I doubt, it'd probably crush me to not see them again. Though heaven will be eternal, where I then would in fact see them. But that's with believes mixed in. But maybe this is why I can't let go of things. If you are supposed to live in the here and now, arn't you supposed to forgive? Fix up, at least the things you can? Because what we do know is that once death comes upon any of individuals involved, it's to late. So if I'd die, what would people think. The depressive blindy german? Someone else?
People keep commenting me about my musical abilities, they call it talents, I'd rather humble myself on it.
Well, I'm afraid if I'd die they might miss those "talents", but not me.
Now I'm back after 30 minutes of a conversation with some tea when my mother has returned with dad from the hospital because she couldn't breethe in the morning and suddenly didn't do well. I was in school by that time. Coincidense? Well I don't believe in those. But it fits to the topic more than I'd like it to. She's doing well now at least.
Not sure what else to say. Great topic.

This is quite of an interesting one indeed.
I'm not sure of how much this exactly fits to this conversation, but I basically used to dislike the dog of my grandma and grandpa a bit when I was a younger child. Mind you, this was when I was very young - probably seven to ten. I constantly shoved him off of me when he wanted t jump at me, basically kicked him with me feet when he was standing next to me at the dining table and maybe some other minor things because honestly, back then I thought he was "just a dog" who wasn't trained well enough.
Of course, today I am much more reflected than I was, even though I am still quite young. And honestly it makes me regret my past and be sad about how I acted towards that dog. He always was genuinely happy to see me - and he still is since he fortunately still is alive! And honestly, I am quite glad about that. If he died back then, by now I probably wuld feel miseerably because of how disrespectful I was.
Now, if he would die, which I sincerely don't hope, I probably would remember him as energetic and playful, not as a dog without personality. I wouldn't remember him because he smelled bad because of a medical condition or because he maybe wasn't taught so well how to listen and come when being called. I would remember him as him self and for what he is.
And how heartbroken he eventually would have been when he would have realized that I thought he is just something who can't give love and doesn't have a personality. When he would have realized that I wouldn't love him. It makes me kind of sick, and I am so glad to be in a time where I am concious of myself, know the impact of my actions to some extent and know that just because the outside doesn't look perfect, it doesn't mean there's no inside.
And I wonder the same about my dogs. The one that died in 2018 and the two still alive. What would have been if they died with the thought that they missed their goal. That their efforts weren't enough. That the love they wanted wasn't to be found. It would have broken them, and honestly it's difficult to think about this for me too even though usually, I am quite emotionless even when someone dies or is in a difficult situation. But honestly? The thought of someone - be it a dog or person - dyToday it turned out that one of my two dogs probably isn't going to make it for much more. She has tomurs in her loungs and other organs and areas of the body. She still is quite energetic and I don't expect organ failure or sudden weakness within the next weeks, but I seriously can't tell if she's even going to make it through 2026. It's probably going to be a bit of a rough time given she basically has been a part of my life since my 4 th birthday (infact, we even share the same birthday). She is the kind of dog that always is playful and that wouldn't even snarl or bite at you if you kicked her because she genuinely is just kind and playful, and the kind that is so loyal that she wants to protect me even when I am just joking around with my own family. She was born by our dog who died in 2018. She isn't a dog, she's someone with personality and a part of family.
And it will be damn sad seeing her getting weaker and eventually needing to decide when to end the pain for her. But I will have peace knowing I always showed my love and will continue doing so to the best of my abilities. And I am endlessly grateful for a decade full of joy, love and someone who always was by my side.
Never forget to be grateful for what you have.

All this sounds like a skill issue to me, have you just considered being happy and not thinking about death?

F dude, can you just not destroy a topic for once? That's a skill issue from yourself. Go play with your glass box.

The only one destroying the topic is yourself, my post was 100% on topic.

Death. It is the topic which we people try to avoid discussing or thinking about as much as possible, even though we all know that it'll be our end or let's say, moving from this life to another one in some beliefs.
I have asked myself these questions before: Who will remember me when I die? And what do they remember me with? Also for how long I'll be remembered for? Because just thinking about the fact that there were many of our great grand fathers who died centuries ago, and probably we're walking on their remains that are underground makes me realize that most likely a person isn't remembered for a very long time.
The only things which may keep dead people being remembered is either scientific discoveries or inventions, or useful books, or being a great king / lord / whatever.
I have lost my uncle last year who was close to me and was caring a lot about me, I felt sad but didn't cry at least until now. His funeral was quite big and he was also known as a kind person.
Now I want to talk about another thing and I appologize in advance. A few times before when I felt weak or when I had been through tough moments, I wished to die. I didn't try to do it but I asked god to make me die if death is better for me. I didn't go farther than that.
There is only one thing that I want before I die excluding things related to my religion, I'd like to fix all of my broken relationships that I can, I don't want to go having a hate or a problem with somebody. That's all I wanted to say, thanks for reading.

Don't feel bad about talking of this, suicidal thoughts are quite common. I mean, almost every person I was ever close to and who talked about it with me, admitted to having them at some point, myself included.
I don't personally always have the will to life for myself alone, because depression wants to tell me I'm not worth anything lol, but the thought that I could do something positive, make someone laugh, and that I might be important to someone who I'd hurt by giving up is always enough to keep moving forward.

I'd wish we had less suicidal thoughts and more suicidal actions desu senpai.

I legit don't care if and how people remember me, I will be dead what difference will it make to my dead body?

MODERATION!
@10, I'm warning you under rule 2. A comment like that immediately after 2 posters talked about suicidal ideation is in poor taste at best.
You have 2 warnings so far, thus another will see you suspended from this community.
PLEASE BE SO ADVISED.

@8, the particular portion about mending fences before death stood out to me. I mean, we keep delaying and delaying and holding onto that malice for some hypothetical day of reconsiling despite not knowing when we'll die. For me, I'm contented to go out with my grudges in most cases because I think most of them are legitimate and it takes a while for me to get to that stage. I'm more concerned about keeping up the relations I do have and spending as much time with the people around me.

I accept the warning, given that you would be more familiar about making comments in poor taste than I am.

@9 Yeah I know. The funny thing is that I almost never admitted that I had these thoughts before, the topic got me interested so I talked about everything related which was in my mind.
One reason for me not talking about such things is probably that I know for sure that everyone has problems and not just me, and knowing there are people who went or are going through situations that are far worse than mine.
Anyway, thanks for your words. What you said is one of the reasons that keep most people going and moving forward I believe.

when I die, I want to have at least tried to fix as many friendships as possible, and also I want to leave the world knowing that I made a difference that bennifitted the human race in some way shape or form

I really love everyone's stories in here, and they really make you think. Death is an interesting thing to me. I have often thought about it, and even in fifth grade obsessed over the possibility of ending up in eternal torment to the point of sickness and desperation. I'm not entirely sure what drove me to that point, it was possibly the recent (at that time) divorce of my parrents or something along those lines. Anyways, I find myself strongly leaning towards the belief that Jesus Christ, who will ride into battle on a great white horse at the end of days, exists and loves me, and all of you, and has died on the cross for our sins. That belief has undergone several phases, from very strongly existing, even to the point of sickness like I mensioned, to not being that strong around 7th through 10th grade. I will say, however, that a year ago I was listening to my sister's radio in her car, she was playing My Promice Land by Josiah Queen. She is a devout catholic, one of the reasons I didn't completely forget Christ. And in that timeframe of Josiah's singing, I recalled what I had lost. Not the anxiety-leading compulsions, but this profound knowing that there is a being who loves me and is right there beside me. Over the period of December of 2024 to now, that knowing has gotten stronger, occasionally swelling in intensity, or ebbing away to a meer whisper. This is what this story has to do with death. With the rememberance of Christ, that sense of love that I felt in the car, lead to a very interesting tree of events, all of which I will not go into detail here. But, they were profound, at least in my mind as they specifically related to my life. One of these events is that I remember more of a certain period when I was little. I believe I was either a baby, or one years old. I was having some serious medical issues, and I had either died, or Christ had just brought me to him n that moment, which, I suppose is what that means. Anyhow, I remember being rocked by a being, not a woman, but yet possessing the tender voice of a loving mother. This was coupled with a masculin quality, in somewhat of a higher register than what you would expect from Christ. It almost sounded like Michael Jackson when he speaks, but again, coupled with that loving tone of a mother. I don't exactly know how to describe it, but simply put, it was all love, but very much a man's voice. It was the voice of the mighty lamb.
I believe I was scared or panicked about something, as I remember crying or talking to him in sort of a scared shakey voice. But he comforted me, and though I can't remember exactly what he said, I believe he was telling me that everything would be ok. He was also rocking me, he had me held in his arms and was rocking me in a rocking chair in a quiet, carpetted room, akin to a nursery. What is so incredible to me is that when the description of his voice was given to not one, not two, but three different people, they all knew, or seemed to know what I was talking about, two of them even giving me accounts of their own personal experiences with them. Two of those experience occured after nightmares were had. Jesus told them that everything would be ok, and in one of them said that he was watching my friend, as in keeping an eye on him or looking out for him. After these experiences were had, the nightmares never occured again. My sister didn't recall a particular experience, but seemed to recognize the voice qualities I described. Jesus is king, and sometimes I'm not even sure that I should be saying that, as I mess up often. But I hope to one day gaze upon the face of the king of king and lord of lords, and event great things with him, play music, see old friends and family, and so much more some day. but in the mean time, I hope that story has helped someone, maybe sparked something within you, maybe you have heard that voice before. If so please share, if not here then with me or whoever because I looooooooove hearing those stories. And the most fascinating part, in Revelation, his voice is described as sounding like a trumpet. That voice that I heard, albeit soft, loving and kind, could've easily been amplified into the mighty call of a trumpet. I know he could sound like anything he wants, but it really did make me think at a recent point that it could easily assume a horn-like sound if kept within those vocal characteristics. His voice could also separate itself into many waters, which is also another description of his voice.
Hope that helped someone, and honestly I'm beyond curious if anyone has heard his voice, too.

Man I loved reading this. Would love to get to know more of this, maybe via pm, including on where you currently stand with faith and all of that.
But no, I myself have no experience with this voice thing you described what so ever. What I did have is getting into mini attacks of epilepsy, happened a couple times over the years, where I woke up at night, partly, and wondered if I'd die and feel so forsaken and strange, I don't want any of you to feel that trust me. Last time was actually the past december where I was laying besides my bed in between my blanket. That was actually scary.

There have been times where I've thought, and even went so far as to atempt, suicide.
Most times where this would happen is when thoughts of my dad would overwhelm me.
Once, I was like 13, and my thoughts were filled with my late father.
I called out, I'll be with you soon, but luckily didn't do it because of the people who were still here, I couldn't just leave them behind. After all.
But yes, this is a very deep subject I barely shair with anyone.

before i was with ferre, i was with a guy who was heavily harmful to me both mentally and physically. i prayed every night just to never wake up again. ferre saved me and i'm forever grateful. i still have those thoughts sometimes especially when i hear of my mom and when my ex gets drunk and stalks my insta but it's getting better. i remember my mom said to my 9 year old self that if i died it would take her burden away. i want everyone to know that they are loved no matter what anyone says and the experiences that i have had taught me how to care and protect people i care about (which seems to be everyone i've met so far) and even if someone is cruel i should treat them with kindness. i struggle a lot with myself (especially when family members comment on my weight, voice, etc) i still remember what i taught myself. sorry this is long

I forgot to add this, but if my physical health does not get worse, I want to live to be at least in my 90s like my aunt Mary Lou and do things that she has done to change lives like I also would like to save somebody just like how I was saved I also want to start a band because let’s add something fun to the mix